tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2009-11-11:/What it says on the tin, a fat bloke getting thin.MokoFeed2009-11-11T13:23:36+01:00tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-11-10:/2008/11/10/pre-christmas-shape-up-5013157/madmonkoffunk2008-11-10T15:33:26+01:002008-11-10T15:33:26+01:00 <p>Right ho, things have been very difficult recently. My wife got depression and we came very close to splitting up a few times as her behaviour became erratic and abusive. I went through all sorts of things before I finally realised that she had depression. It was triggered by all the stress of my Dad and Sister leaving and what it did to me. All appears on the mend now with some counselling and lots of tears and effort.</p> <p>Things on the weight front did go a bit haywire as I was drinking as a coping mechanism. I also had to give up my sports (squash and rugby) as I needed to care for the house and chores on my own. Needless to say that tack a holiday on (part of the healing process!) I have gained 8lb and my 32” jeans have got a bit tight. </p> <p>Rather than buy some bigger ones I today visited lighterlife and for the sum of £132 I procured 56 packs. I have decided to have 2 for breakfast and a bar for lunch and to try and up the exercise a bit. I should slim down for Christmas at which point I will be enjoying myself again. I already have 5 various office dinners on including 3 days in Dublin for a “management meeting”.</p> <p>14s 4lb, watch this space!</p> <p>Couple of other bits to note: Family Christmas at ours, 16 to feed including sister back from USA. May get back in contact with my Dad next summer but far too early at this point considering that I nearly lost my marriage.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/11/10/pre-christmas-shape-up-5013157/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-09-02:/2008/09/02/final-thoughts-4670672/madmonkoffunk2008-09-02T10:55:52+02:002008-09-02T10:55:52+02:00 <p>I thought that an update was probably appropriate seeing as its been so long. I was released into the wild about 3 weeks ago. I finished the programme and got signed off. I put a little weight back on but still am in a 32” Jeans. Rugby training has been great and I have been doing a lot of squash as well so some of the weight is muscle. I have also been walking the dog and eating relatively healthily. My big problem is drinking my calories as there have been lots of friends waiting for me to finish this thing so that we can go out, appeasing them all has been difficult. Some bad habits have slipped back into my life but some of my new good habits are also sticking. </p> <p>Positives outcomes from the entire experience</p> <p>1. I drink 2 litres of water a day<br> 2. I walk between 2 and 4 miles a day<br> 3. I am fit again<br> 4. I eat a lot less generally and what I do eat is largely healthy<br> 5. I avoid bread and other trigger foods<br> 6. I look better, a lot of people say that it has taken 10 years off me</p> <p>Negative outcomes from the entire experience</p> <p>1. I am completely obsessed with food<br> 2. I feel guilty when I indulge<br> 3. I know that I will have to do this diet again as my weight is not stable<br> 4. I have a significantly shorter temper than I had before<br> 5. I feel much more stressed, but that might be black coffee!</p> <p>Would I recommend this to someone like me? Definitely, its quick, simple to follow, you learn a lot. It takes perseverance but then again what is the alternative.</p> <p>As for the Dad situation we had a little correspondence but he now has the message that I need a break for a while so has backed off. He did phone my best mate and asked him to keep an eye on me which I thought was a little strange, its not like my Dad was keeping an eye on me from Oz. Its been very draining and is still triggering cycles of depression. On the up side I now have three chickens who are very entertaining and allow me to pounce around the garden pretending that I am a farmer.</p> <p>Best of luck to anyone in any stage of LL, stick to it.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/09/02/final-thoughts-4670672/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-07-30:/2008/07/30/dinner-parties-galore-and-coming-to-term-4519419/madmonkoffunk2008-07-30T10:15:45+02:002008-07-31T10:49:45+02:00 <p>A quick note to say that things are OK.</p> <p>Food wise I have hosted 3 dinner parties in the last 4 days and my weight is stable at 13s 4lb. Been doing some extra walking to keep it in control but I have not exactly shown much self control as far as booze goes. Food wise we have generally offered lean mean in various forms steak, herb encrusted chicken, shish kebab, tandoori pheasant (liberated from some local hedgerows!), etc, various home grown salads (green, tomato, low fat coleslaw, beetroot, carrot and raisin), and spuds and bread which I avoided (largely).</p> <p>Desserts are a different matter and I have indulged mainly in cheese and biccies which I am not allowed. But also a lovely big pavlova, the strawberries are excellent in Somerset at this time of year.</p> <p>As far as Dad is concerned I am a lot better and much more in control of myself. As time goes by I am less consumed and I am more sure that it was the right thing to do for myself and family. My sister and I were put second when he fancied working in the middle east, second when he moved to Hong Kong for a decade, second when he accidentally started a new family and concentrated on them for the last 19 years, excluded from his will and finally second when he decided to move to Australia for the rest of his life. After so much coming second I expected him to put some effort in with my children and he is not going to do it, enough is enough, 31 years is far too long to be in this situation. My regret is that as a child I believed in what he was saying when he was slagging off my step dad when we did manage to see him, the result was not letting my step dad close who incidentally who was paying the lions share of my existence. Therefore I spent my childhood pining for someone who put me second and not letting someone who put me first come close. Coming to terms with this has knocked me sideways.</p> <p>However, this issue is now largely sorted. Off this weekend to see my blind Gran and Uncle in Essex that Dad so conveniently for himself left me as the only relative of in the country. Will take my toolbox and do whatever odd jobs I can to maintain their house. Petrol will make it £120 round trip and about 10 hours of driving. Gran was the most important relative in my life for a long time but now she is in her nineties she is going a little down hill and when I spoke to her the other day she didn’t really know who I was, she can never remember my wifes name either.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/07/30/dinner-parties-galore-and-coming-to-term-4519419/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-07-21:/2008/07/21/trouble-at-mill-4476984/madmonkoffunk2008-07-21T08:41:48+02:002008-07-21T08:47:48+02:00 <p>Its all linked so I'll just launch into it. Weightloss and management stable, lost two pounds last week. I actually "managed" my weight for the first time in that I had a nice weekend including a night out with the boys putting the world to rights after a funeral and some nice dinners. I gained some weight so I reigned in the consumption and increased the excercise and brought it back down and into control (losing 2lb).</p> <p>I still can not accept what is going on with my Dad and I am slipping into short bouts of depression lasting about 2 weeks when recieving emails from him telling me how wonderful everything is in his new life. They leave me unable to function and unable to sleep, leave me prone to bursting into tears which is not a good image for a rugby player. Last week I spent everyone of my 6am 2 mile yomps crying all the way round. Basically he did very little to help the transition when he went, not even making the effort to see me properly because he didn't want to go more than an hour away from the airport, I could spend hours whinging but I won't. </p> <p>The trouble is that my clients at work are beginning to notice, my wife is having to provide a lot of support and the bouts are getting closer to each other and more severe. My wife (her father died an alcohoilic at 40 and treated her badly so this is difficult for her), gran, and sister have all been supportive and understanding in my inability to handle this - they have all had their own problems in this area. I sent my dad the following email on Friday. I don't feel regret but I do feel guilty for making him feel bad, its not nice but I have seen what proper depression can do to people and I can't risk letting my self slip into it and result in losing my house or wife or something. A boy needs a father and I never had one, its difficult but not uncommon and has left me with a lot of problems. I really don't want to lose contact with him, but then again I can not continue as I am therefore I need to do something and unfortunately this is the only rational way that I can proceed. Taking control of the situation has immediately helped, especially with regaining some emotional stability.</p> <p><em>Hi Dad,</p> <p>It has been a year or so since you talked to me about the move to Oz, I get the impression that you are now pretty settled and secure so it is probably the right time to let you know that I am still having a lot of trouble coming to terms with it. The situation remains a pre-occupation with me and is a cause of great sadness which will stay with me to the end of my life; unfortunately it is really beginning to affect me with /, at work and at many other times so I need to do something about it. When /’s father died she was referred to a Councillor and given anti-depressants, my symptoms are very similar and my “episodes” are beginning to become more acute. As I have previously said a lot of my difficulties come as much from what happened a long time ago combined as with this latest development. I could write an extensive email about the whys and wherefores but this would achieve little as nothing is going to change, I have tried to talk to you about it but you really don’t appear to have real empathy. The impression that I get is you have to do what is best for yourself and you are happy to assume that other people can fill in for you back here as far as your first born son is concerned. </p> <p>As kids we hardly saw you and although we had some good times Hong Kong the situation was not always the rosy picture you often paint, and as teenagers your younger family took priority as they do now and this is understandable. Over the past 6 months its fair to say that I have come to the reconciliation that although I am sure that you do care for us this has never really translated into anything more that it being nice for you to see us a few times a year if it was convenient, you pointed out you didn’t see as much of us as you hoped but I don’t remember a huge effort to address this. I did think that we were starting to get somewhere more recently with your trips down to us which I enjoyed and I was expecting that with ! and " grown you would perhaps be able to make up for your lack of presence during our childhood to become the fantastic grandfather that I know that you could be. Unfortunately this will not be possible with a visit once every once and a while. Maybe my expectations were too high but I don’t think that they were too unrealistic. My angst on the issue is probably because my perspective of the last 30 years must be wholly different from yours; children just assume that parents will come through for them in the end. The long and short of it is from my perspective is that you have taken a considered and reasoned decision that your time, presence and legacy are best focussed on £, ! & " at the almost total exclusion of us, this is your decision to make so I can’t really complain about it too much. </p> <p>Act in hast and repent at leisure has lead me to stay relatively silent on the subject for over a year hoping that things might change and lead me to feel differently and to be less affected. However, this has not materialised, in many ways it has got worse and as you are entitled to make your own decisions, I am entitled to my right not to like them, and I really don’t. I have approached the subject repeatedly from every angle, trying to put myself in everyone’s shoes and still can not comprehend why it is necessary to repeatedly put yourself on the other side of the world, in a completely different time zone’s and, intentionally or not, effectively wash your hands of what is left behind.</p> <p>Whilst I suspect that you had significant other drivers influencing you this time that I probably have not been made formally aware of I believe that you need to understand that the actual reality of the situation for me is the same, through no fault of my own I lose out on my father again at a time when my aspirations for the future were so different. Unfortunately this time it is also different in that you are not coming back and there will not be a brighter future for me to hope for in this area. As you have told me I need to do what is best for myself and family, currently this is to shake off the pre-occupation with this situation therefore, for the foreseeable future, I think that it would be better for your to get on with your life without contact with me and vice versa. This change will only really be symbolic as there is little substantial difference between sending the odd email, Christmas and Birthday card and not, but receiving these things from you highlight the situation and make sad, triggering the episodes which affects my life and those around me negatively. As for visits, how many more times do you expect to see me again in your lifetime anyway? It can’t be more than a handful at most so this is probably the most honest way to progress. It is probably a paradigm shift for you this is the reality of your decision to leave from my perspective.</p> <p>No doubt this email will be a little shocking and will be subject to much scrutiny and debate, culminating something along the lines that I am either having a breakdown, attention seeking or just being selfish and you are the victims in this. Whilst you do this, and drawing on the experiences of your own childhood, put yourself in my position and run through a few key life events from my point of view. Maybe this will help you to understand. I have said before that most of your reasons for leaving this time were rose tinted, more designed to ease your own consciouses than justify to others your decision. I no longer see any point in grinning and bearing it and pretending everything is fine as I was expected to as a child, so I am choosing not to and in the process of this hope to improve my own situation.</p> <p>One note of regret on my part was accepting your furniture when this end point was a possibility, apologies for that, it is something I wrestled with at the time.</p> <p>So, best of luck, as I have always said I hope that it works out for you over there and the door is always open to the kids if they want to come back at any time travelling or permanently and need a place to get themselves straight. I expect that they will be reluctant to look me up by the time that this is digested and discussed at family dinners with no one to defend my position or to even understand it. I will let you know if I have a change of heart in the future but these feelings are not new and are unlikely to change in the short and medium term. If any grand children do make an appearance I’ll make sure you get a photo.</p> <p>Please understand that this is not up for debate or negotiation and there is nothing that can rectify this, it is a product of everything past and present. Please resist the urge to engage /, \ or Gran to mediate, this would be grossly unfair of you as the decision has been made, all of them have been through more than enough already around this situation and the ones that have preceded it.</p> <p>Anyway best of luck with everything,</p> <p>Bye</em></p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/07/21/trouble-at-mill-4476984/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-07-11:/2008/07/11/i-am-under-13-stone-4433936/madmonkoffunk2008-07-11T11:42:27+02:002008-07-11T11:42:27+02:00 <p>This morning, for the first time, the scales settled on 12s 13.5lb, whilst I doubt that I could claim that I have smashed the 13s barrier it is something that I have been, admittedly not devotedly, aiming for the last couple of weeks.</p> <p>I am beginning to feel happier that I am taking control of what I am eating, I am no longer craving foods, I am taking what I want when I want it with more of a questioning mind. I have been mildly drinking every night and eating a bowl of nuts and or raisins (together with the odd chocolate bar shared with the missus etc) but I am in control. </p> <p>I had to weigh in early this week due to work commitments and it did it earlier than normal and after a late lunch. Consequently I put on 1.5lb and am officially 13s 4lb, however this is an anomaly.</p> <p>Rugby training is great, Tuesday and Thursday night. After my 2 miles in the morning and 2 miles in the evening with the dog I am one of the fittest forwards there. Last night we did intensive fitness, it was easy, some of my team mates were literally vomiting 30 minutes in and a load of them dropped out. Therefore they want to move be to the back row. Seeing a lot of the other guys there unfit with plenty of weight on them is interesting, its like looking at myself in the past. Squash tonight, then maybe a trip down the boozer!</p> <p>Needless to say they are all asking about the loss. I am getting pretty fed up talking about it to be honest. One other piece of news was that my wife was nine days late (this has not happened before), we are trying for a baby, unfortunately it turned out to be a false alarm but I remind her that it is a positive sign.</p> <p>Therefore week 6 of RTM has been the most successful so far apart from the official weight gain! I am now on the final week before trigger foods. 5 weeks to go before emancipation!</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/07/11/i-am-under-13-stone-4433936/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-07-07:/2008/07/07/the-real-challenge-starts-here-4414894/madmonkoffunk2008-07-07T13:26:04+02:002008-07-07T13:28:39+02:00 <p>OK, so I went out to dinner on Saturday night to a little restaurant where we had our wedding reception a year or two ago. I chose my starter with a little care (Buffalo Tomatoe and Mozzerella Salad), the main I chose was Rib Eye Steak with Buerre du Cafe de Paris (the butter has 52 ingredients in it and the inventors had a years waiting list to get a table in their restaurant in the 50's - its really something special), dessert I chose a dark chocolate brownie with Vanilla Clotted Cream, then err, Cheese board. 6 of us went and the bill was absolutely shocking but my Wife paid on account of me helping her out in her office on Saturday. The net result was a 2lb gain. So here we go, I need to put my money where my mouth is and deliver the goods. This is really what I have wanted to establish since day 1, can I lose weight, put it back on and take a corrective action and lose it again, i.e. manage the weight. I have increased the morning walk and decreased my afternoon snacks.</p> <p>Mood swings were caused by Caffine, someone at work switched the coffee with a more potent one.</p> <p>Other dieters - why aren't you posting? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/07/07/the-real-challenge-starts-here-4414894/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-07-04:/2008/07/04/i-don-t-know-why-i-am-losing-weight-4402964/madmonkoffunk2008-07-04T12:39:22+02:002008-07-04T12:39:22+02:00 <p>Its still coming off with 1.5lb last week. I am now 13s 2lb. I have had a fry up, beer, chocolate, cake, booze every night for 10 days, crisps.</p> <p>Additionally something is giving me violent mood swings in the evening. I think that it is a combination of fruit and coffee. I cut out fruit yesterday, today I am cutting out coffee and I feel a lot better for it.</p> <p>Week 6 of RTM, hopefully will be better than week 5. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/07/04/i-don-t-know-why-i-am-losing-weight-4402964/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-06-30:/2008/06/30/weekend-foods-4383155/madmonkoffunk2008-06-30T09:00:29+02:002008-06-30T09:00:29+02:00 <p>Well, I let it all hang out, relatively anyway. </p> <p>Friday night drive down was a nightmare, not only did I have Glastonbury traffic coming at me I also had round the island race traffice going with me. We made it in the end and the reward was sweet and sour chicken and 3 bottles of wine. 4.30am start was a bit of a killer but we made it with the help of coffee and flapjacks.</p> <p>We had a 1.5 hour sail to the start line and then positioned ourselves to see the first boats go off. The racing was a little hairy at times, we heard about 9 mayday calls for people overboard, someone unconcious with a fractured skull, a couple of sunk boats, etc. We had a few near misses but were largely unscathed. I spent most of the time on the winch and was out of breath for long periods.</p> <p>The rest of the crew had tongue and mustard sandwiches at 9am (for lunch), I had apples and my bar. We had more flapjacks for lunch, the other boats were so close going around st Katherines head that we were able to share our flapjacks with them, them having to watch their heads on our boom, use watch our heads on the booms of others. 4 abreat running in front of a force 6 with a following sea, it was very exhilarating, stressful and to be honest, very scary.</p> <p>We completed the race in around 8.5 hours. We beat Lewis Hamilton on "Hugo Boss" but only because they got disqualified for crashing into another boat, writing it off and leaving them stranded.</p> <p>The race record was broken.</p> <p>Arriving we had champagne, wine, dinner out in Cowes (dreadful), I even had gin and tonic and a few pints of bitter. Sunday morning I had a fry up and then ham and cheese for lunch. I had a steak on getting home and a large G + T.</p> <p>The net result was 2lb gain to 13s 4lb this morning. I am sure that it will drop off this week. (I hope so anyway).</p> <p>Ho hum, back to work. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/06/30/weekend-foods-4383155/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-06-27:/2008/06/27/week-5-liferlife-route-to-management-4370216/madmonkoffunk2008-06-27T08:31:23+02:002008-06-27T08:38:36+02:00 <p>Howdy dudy,</p> <p>Its now week 5 RTM and officially all people on this apart from me have given up. Proving that this diet is quite hard I suppose. As for me I recorded another 2.5lb weight loss taking my official weight to 13s 4lb, from 18s 1lb. I am now a size 32" waist from a slightly tight 40". Therefore things are quite rosy.</p> <p>I have had a serious revelation this week that fruit is a food that triggers me to eat excessively. On the first three days of this week I ate well over 10 pears on each day, and after I had done that I started reaching for other things like chocolate, chicken legs, nuts, dried fruit (loads of that) etc. It was almost an uncontrolled frenzy that lasted all day, reacdhing for something every 30 minutes. On virtually all occasions I was telling myself that I didn't need the food so shouldn't have it but carried on anyway. The consequences were that I had cronic wind and stomach aches (but was still eating!), I had sugar highs and then crashes, becoming very short tempered and agressive when I crashed. I recognised it fully yesterday morning and the result was to have only one piece of fruit in the day, it worked! No loss of control.</p> <p>Week 5 lets you have booze, I know that I have had it anyway but to recognise the fact I had a 1994 Rioja with the wife last night, it was nectar. As a token jesture I got up extra early and added 0.5 miles to my morning walk. </p> <p>I also get two protein based meals a day now, I am only having one today as I am going to be very busy and will not have time. Having more meals from now on is a good thing and will stop me feeling so hungry all the time, the weight loss should now stop but I would still love to see those scales go under 13s in the morning (just once!). Tonight I head off to the round the island race and I am going to test my new diet skills in the real world. Its all very well sitting at the top of our hill smugly losing weight but this weekends I do it in anger at restaurants and during serious physical excersions. The weather forecast is rain!</p> <p>One negative thing, and I am not sure if I recorded this on my last post, is that the dog has got the onset of severe arthritus, exaserbated by all the walking we have been doing. I have literally walked the legs of my dog! He is on medication and now a spritely as a pup.</p> <p>Anyway, got to go and do some work. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/06/27/week-5-liferlife-route-to-management-4370216/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-06-24:/2008/06/24/bananas-4358884/madmonkoffunk2008-06-24T22:21:17+02:002008-06-24T22:23:39+02:00 <p>Right ho, not sure what is going on with my head. Making some slow steps forward looking at why and when I am eating. Recognising that control is needed by not always quite demonstrating it. Realised that I sometimes eat things and don't enjoy them. Drink still a big temptation. Using my building hobby to knock off the pounds, rendering at the moment which is quite physical.</p> <p>Racing my mates 50ft yacht this weekend in the round the island race (Isle of Wight) so no doubt will be very boozy but 4.30am departure on Saturday. I intend to let it all hang out. In october we went to the pub all night and put to sea at 2am, woke up half way to France, so carried on and had dinner then went to channel islands on a massive pub crawl for three days. I could be a water gypsy! Taking the wife for the first time, should be a baptism of fire, have had to fork out for appropriate clothing for her (should have seen that coming!).</p> <p>Eaten a lot of dried fruit today which I shouldn't, it is giving me a lot of wind which I am trying sort out with peppermint tea. Work busy and stressful, not sure what impact that is having.</p> <p>Also, Mr Woof (my labrador) has developed chronic arthitus exasserbated by the 2 miles we are doing in the morning and evening. Vet has put him on some stuff to sort it but he is very stiff and so I can't go as fast.</p> <p>Old rugby captain got in contact today about a ball (the dinner and dance type not hte oval one!), going back to play next season as a result. </p> <p>Chin up peeps.... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/06/24/bananas-4358884/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-06-18:/2008/06/18/middling-4332064/madmonkoffunk2008-06-18T14:38:14+02:002008-06-18T14:41:08+02:00 <p>I am not really sure how I am doing. My weight is stable at around 13s5lb in the mornings however I drank on Friday, Sat, Sun and last night, I've been eating chocolate and peanuts etc but working like billio to keep it off. I am focussing again today. I am destroying fruit bowls at an alarming rate, 7 pears before lunch yesterday.</p> <p>So, really confusing. I will have lost weight at weigh in tomorrow but only just I think.</p> <p>I am also still finding it hard to cope around my Dad leaving. I have tried approaching it from every different angle and I always come up with the same answer. He took a rational and considered decision to have very little further to do with my life ever. He does expect interactions to be on his terms in the future and I have inherited his responsibilities towards his mother. I still want nothing further to do with him but I am tempering this as my brother is likely to want to come back to the UK sometime and I don't want to lose contact with him.</p> <p>It is still very difficult. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/06/18/middling-4332064/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-06-12:/2008/06/12/quick-update-4308314/madmonkoffunk2008-06-12T22:08:26+02:002008-06-12T22:08:26+02:00 <p>Not a great week food wise and I write this with a glass of wine but I lost another 3lbs. Again i strayed but made it up with excercise. Been as low as 13s 7lb, but official weight is 13s 11lb. Just eaten chicken or fillet steak salads all week, with 2 food packs. in fact I ate week 3 food with tomatos but I am getting there. Beginning to change my understanding of what I need to do.</p> <p>Steak tonight has given me terrible wind! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/06/12/quick-update-4308314/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-06-06:/2008/06/06/tough-week-over-4279432/madmonkoffunk2008-06-06T08:51:00+02:002008-06-06T08:54:03+02:00 <p>Right ho, on reflection a bad week and a good week. Yesterday I would have said it was a bad week. But I am now on my own in group, no one else comes, its great as I can go "me, me, me!" to the Councillor and this made it back into a good week. </p> <p>My perspective after one failed week of management was that I came into management thinking that the hard bit was over and this will be a lovelly and insightful 12 weeks of introducing the foods that I missed in a controlled way. Don't you believe it, deciding what and when to eat is very difficult as is controlling portion size.</p> <p>The facts of my indescretions!</p> <p>Saturday - Large Scotch in evening<br> Sunday - Large Scotch in evening, pringles, cashew nuts and snickers icecream, massive hand full of prunes to clear me out<br> Monday - 3 food packs by 10am, Dinner in London, bottle of Rioja and seasme oil and seeds with salmon<br> Tuesday - 4 food packs in total, 3 by 10am, and main meal, large Scotch in evening, crisps, 2 snickers icecreams<br> Wednesday - 3 food packs by 10am, Large Scotch in evening<br> Thursday - Trip to pub as I organise a beer festival and had to meet with the committee - soda water only</p> <p>The upshot, sorry everyone, a 3lb loss and I now fit into size 34" jeans comfortably. I put this down to the massive effect of the prunes, it certainly sorted out a back "log" (ho, ho, ho) of food packs. Unbelievably unpleasant and painful but I think that it was a 6lb loss, no kidding! My weight has been going up for the last 3 days. I have also been excercising like mad as I know that my eating has been out of control.</p> <p>The councillor is gob smacked about my loss and said that I should have put on about 4lb. I was sitting with her smelling chocolate and noticed that I had a big lump of snickers on my jeans. Opps.</p> <p>The meeting with my councillor was excellent. I felt sorry for her as she went away on a holiday that she didn't want to go on and her locum buggered up her business. Literally half the people that she deals with accross all her groups failed miserably last week, everyone was unhappy and in difficulties. It just goes to show how important the councillor relationship is in remaining focussed. She is so patient and understanding, I really did not value her enough before. Don't get me wrong though, what I put in my mouth is my responsbility and down to me and me only. However I pay a lot of money to go to this and I expect them to use standard tools to ensure that I leave for the week motivated and knowing what I should be doing and not pissed off with the wrong food packs....</p> <p>She sat with me for 1.5 hours and I went through everything. I felt unable to bring myself back under control (well I did until yesterday monring at which point I read myself the riot act and rolled my sleeves up), I have also suffered from major mood swings. From this I learnt that a few things. </p> <p>1.) Firstly drinking in the evening causes me to eat the next morning, I have always known this but this brought it home.<br> 2.) I have now changed my food pack habits to move to 1 in the morning, 1 at lunch and one when I get home then my meal. This is preparing me for going down to 2 food packs soon and is my own initiative.<br> 3.) Portion size and drinking too much are my main problems.</p> <p>Water wise I checked out what the situation was. The locum told my Councillor that I was drinking 11 litres a day. This proves to me that she was not listening. I told her I was drinking 6 and on one day I drank 11. My Councillor says that the book states a minimum but as I am so active with my building works and excercise regime 6 is not a problem. Therefore I have switched to carbonated only so I will drink less. I will reduce to 5 what I am taking in.</p> <p>I believe that I have actually had a wobble, this was triggered by me wanted an excuse to go back to my old ways under the guise of a "wobble". The wobble didn't start until I became out of control!</p> <p>I feel confident and motivated about the upcoming week </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/06/06/tough-week-over-4279432/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-06-02:/2008/06/02/route-to-management-is-very-hard-4257299/madmonkoffunk2008-06-02T08:58:23+02:002008-06-02T08:58:23+02:00 <p>My impression of this diet was that the hard bit was losing the weight, management would be a lovely learning curve where you would appreciate every meal for the variety of what you consumed after the blandness of the packs. As a man being told "Eat 4 of these a day and nothing else" is as easy as it gets, even if you don't like doing it.</p> <p>Well this is not the reality of it. I appear to have lost all self control. I can eat the chicken salads, they are great, its just I am also nibbling here and there. They tell you that you can have as much chicken as you like, so I have two breasts (I would never have dont this before). Last night I had a glass of wine, the night before we had people 4 years olds staying and I ended up having a scotch. I nibbled on nuts and a few crisps, I even nibbed the end off a snickers icecream. Lastly I have been nibbling on prunes to try and sort out my digestion. </p> <p>To combat the extra calories that I will have picked up with this nibbling I have been doing extra building work and dog walking and my weight is still going in the right direction but it is a concern that I will balloon. I have asked my wife to try and encourage me rather than say that I am slim enough and can have a drink. Drink leads to nuts and crisps.</p> <p>Eating the packs makes you constipated, eating the packs and food is worse. You get constipated with more volume. I have never suffered in this way before and I have to say that it is very painful indeed and I think that it may be giving me piles! There are some stories best left unrecorded but this side of things is a major drawback of the diet.</p> <p>I am staying in a really nice hotel tonight which has the most fantastic breakfast, I cancelled the breakfast already and will just have food packs in my room. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/06/02/route-to-management-is-very-hard-4257299/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-29:/2008/05/29/councillor-woes-4241461/madmonkoffunk2008-05-29T09:06:41+02:002008-05-29T10:38:03+02:00 <p>Right ho,</p> <p>Weigh in was brought forward to yesterday as the Councillor was going on holiday. They brought it forward and we still had a locum.</p> <p>The locum was a nurse who didn't shut up and/or listen to what I was saying, she just blithered on about her son losing weight. I was the only person to turn up. I lost 3lb which wasn't bad considering my indescretion and early shift to management.</p> <p>When I got home I found that she had given me vanilla food packs not banana as I asked (all collated as she banged on about herself!)</p> <p>The most worrying thing is that the nurse said that I should not be drinking more than 4 litres of water per day as it is dangerous. I asked where it said this in the books and she couldn't find any where. I told here that I told my usual councillor about the fact that I usually drink about 6 litres and she said that it was good. She went a bit funny when I told her about the 11 litre day and said that she would talk to my councillor about it. If it really is that dangerous then what the hell is going on with this weight loss programme? Why aren't they warning us and checking what we are drinking. All along I have been told that the more you drink the more you lose.</p> <p>Management is going great, 3 food packs, chicken/lettuce/fat free dressing/cottage cheese for dinner. Scales had me hovering between 13s 12lb and 13s 11lb this morning.</p> <p>Onwards jeeves..... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/29/councillor-woes-4241461/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-27:/2008/05/27/rational-decision-making-4227441/madmonkoffunk2008-05-27T09:32:04+02:002008-05-27T09:34:20+02:00 <p>Well, after 4 days of my body pleading with me to lapse I finally did, in a massive way. I do not feel guilty about it, I am not beating myself up, I do not regret it, I feel excorcised. I am therefore transitioning to management a few days early.</p> <p>At 4pm yesterday (after 3 hours of storm induced power cut) I openned a very nice bottle of red wine with the wife. I also ate some things:</p> <p>Some smoked slamon<br> A poached chicken breast (in savory drink cooked on my wood burning stove = no power)<br> Two hands full of cashew nuts<br> 12 pringles<br> 2 prunes (not being smutty here but I really needed to induce some sort of movement!)</p> <p>After that I drank a third of a bottle of Laphraig.</p> <p>Some behavioral notes:</p> <p>I can clearly see how people can go mental after a diet and put it all back on<br> I can clearly see a path back to my old way of life with nibbling, drinking, not excercising and large portions. I do not want this.<br> I didn't wake up feeling much different from how I do normally on the diet<br> I intend to follow the management from this point forward, otherwise this excercise would have been pointless. I do have a voice in my head saying "you are in London next tuesday, get a nice hotel, meet up with the London crowd and get bollocksed", I need to refocus.<br> Hangovers trigger me to eat, I have had 3 food packs this morning at it is 9.30am - bugger</p> <p>This morning weighed 13s, 13lb </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/27/rational-decision-making-4227441/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-25:/2008/05/25/having-a-hard-time-4220876/madmonkoffunk2008-05-25T19:30:38+02:002008-05-25T19:30:38+02:00 <p>Right, things are getting really difficult. Last weeks weight loss was 6lb again and that takes me to 14s 6lb on the dot. When I weigh in the mornings I am at 14s 1lb. i am where I want to be and I am starting the re-introduction of food etc on Thursday.</p> <p>For the last 3 days I have been crying out for a decent scotch and a hand full of cashew nuts. This is my body playing tricks on me but I just want to feel like a human being again. Lighterlife literature talks about you failing and learning from it. i haven't cheated but I desperately want to. My wife is even encouraging me! She says that she wants the old me back. In my head I know that if I fail I am likely to put the weight back on, my heart just wants something nice. The other remaining bloke on the diet had 5 pints of lager last week and still lost 5lb. Yesterday marks 8 weeks since I had a drink.</p> <p>I really do not know what to do, I have been trying to keep myself occupied when I have these feelings consequently I tied 14 flies last night! The fucking lighterlife book shows an example of a food diary for the first week listing 4 bisbuits and a large scotch, it circles them saying that it was wrong to cheat. </p> <p>Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p> <p>On a more positive note I went to Gloucester today to see the mighty Bath RFC win the European challenge shield. I spent the whole first have visibly shivering because I had no calaries in me.</p> <p>Oh and:</p> <p>AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/25/having-a-hard-time-4220876/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-19:/2008/05/19/looking-forward-to-eating-something-4192515/madmonkoffunk2008-05-19T08:06:38+02:002008-05-19T08:06:38+02:00 <p>Right ho, last weeks official loss was 6.5lb which took me to 14s 12lb, a bit better than I anticipated. Nibs (and his wife) have now formally fallen off the wagon and ended the classes. He only managed one actual week without eating sausages and I fully expect him to end up bigger than he was before.</p> <p>Everyone is now noticing how much weight I have lost, I really feel that 14s 6lb will be my ideal weight even though this would be a BMI of just under 30. A lot of people are telling me not to lose anymore. Nevertheless I will see out the remaining 1.5 weeks and then move on to management.</p> <p>I spent the weekend trying out new shotguns and digging foundations so I was expecting a good weight loss (the shotgun bit involved quite a bit of tramping around the countryside). Unfortunately the gun I shot with best cost more that a grand so I have decided to leave it a bit before I invest further.</p> <p>There appear to be only 2 of us left in the diet group, the others having headed off their separate ways. I am still frustrated and needing to eat something but I am close to the end and must remain focussed.</p> <p>If you are thinking about lighterlife then you should know that it is not an easy thing to do, do not go into it lightly. However it is a very effective weight loss programme if you are stubbourn enough to stick to it. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/19/looking-forward-to-eating-something-4192515/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-15:/2008/05/15/0-4176203/madmonkoffunk2008-05-15T08:46:18+02:002008-05-15T08:50:59+02:00 <p>My bumper weighloss appears to be dematerialising. I haven't changed my routine and I have not strayed but yesterday evening I weighed 15s. Its all a bit puzzelling. I, errr, haven't been to the loo for about a week despite having a does and a half of senekot for the past two nights. I think that my system is silted up with dust. Wife has said that I shouldn't do more than 8 weeks, I am still undecided. I think that I will see where I am after 8 weeks. I finished my kitchen table, wife is over the moon. The base just needs painting. Also, I have just recieved my signoff certificate from the council, building works complete!!!</p> <p>On the up down here in Somerset. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/15/0-4176203/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-12:/2008/05/12/15s-barrier-destroyed-4164148/madmonkoffunk2008-05-12T16:01:17+02:002008-05-12T16:01:17+02:00 <p>This morning I weighed 14s 11lb, I am now officially "overweight", yippee. I haven't been this weight since I was 18 (but then it was muscle back then). So I am pretty happy, . I am having some sort of super week at this week when it is just falling off me. From memory my weight loss to this point on a weekly basis has been 12lb, 4lb, 8lb, 8lb, 4lb. I was 15s 5lb last thursday so hopefully I will be pushing the 8lb barrier this week. To top off all our recent woes my wife had a very difficult week at work and I spent a lot of time supporting her and assisting with her working late so this weekend I decided to indulge my passion for furniture making and finally started work on the kitchen table which will match a dresser I made earlier on in the year.</p> <p>The table is pretty big, confortably sitting 10, but at a push 14 shouldn't be a problem. I built quite a large kitchen to put it in over the last couple of years. I expect to finish it in another week or so. Anyway the reason for recording this is that it allowed me to spend two days quietly thinking about things and, although I have not made the decision finally yet, I am considering staying on the diet until I am 13.5s. This is for a number of reasons of which the main one is that I feel that I should finish the job that I started. The difficult bit is doing another 4 weeks on this blasted thing when all my impulses are telling me to get back to normal.</p> <p>I am happy but undecided.....</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/12/15s-barrier-destroyed-4164148/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-09:/2008/05/09/dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-dinne-4150883/madmonkoffunk2008-05-09T08:26:32+02:002008-05-09T08:38:19+02:00 <p>I wasn't hopeful about my weight loss this week but it was reasonable at 4.5lb taking me down to 15s 5lb. BMI is 31 point something. I am not unhappy with this but hope to do better next week. I want to see those scales go below 15s!</p> <p>Nibs came to the meeting after eating meals all week and has put on 2lb. But he is now "back on track" although plans to drink this weekend.</p> <p>I am really looking forward to a piece of poached chicken which I will be eating on the 30th of May.</p> <p>One thing that I should record about this diet is that I feel a lot more relaxed generally, much more on an even keel, more balanced. This is probably because I do not have alcohol in my system, together with sugar rushes etc... It is something I will miss when I return to real food and some vino collaspo!</p> <p>One other thing to note is that I have not bought any soups at all this week. I can not stand them any more. They make me wretch. I may get fed up of shakes this week and be saying the oppersite next friday.</p> <p>One other thing to note is that I joined this diet expecting to do the minimum term of 8 weeks and then go on to management and to stritchly stick to the diet. THis is why I did not set a target weight. Those that have set target weights have all strayed, this is because they think "If I stray then I'll just do an extra week". I think that both systems have merit however the important bit from my point of view is learning weight management skills, and that comes with the next step of the course.</p> <p>Additionally, the focus of this diet is very emotional. All members of this male group find it difficult to relate to the excercises that we do during the sessions. I don't really care about this. The reasons why I am overweight are:</p> <p>1.) My portin sizes are too large<br> 2.) I drink too much booze<br> 3.) I expect to eat like I am in a restaurant every night<br> 4.) X? trigger foods encourage me to overeat - I need to work out what these are</p> <p>The sessions have helped me to identify these points. I do not reach for a bar of chocolate if someone says something horrible to me - I think that a lot of women that are overweight probably do and the course helps them understand this.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/09/dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-dinner-dinne-4150883/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-08:/2008/05/08/i-can-t-add-up-4147378/madmonkoffunk2008-05-08T12:24:54+02:002008-05-08T12:25:48+02:00 <p>Bit annoyed today. I miss counted my weeks and thought that I had 2 weeks left before I could eat some real food, unfortunately it is 3 weeks. I am gutted. I have weigh in tonight and I have done very badly this week, hardly losing anything. The reasons are:</p> <p>1.) I stuck my finger in the curry and must have affected my Ketosis<br> 2.) My food packs have been irregular because of last weeks upheavals and forgetting my work food packs every day this week<br> 3.) I didn't manage to drink my water because of last weeks upheavals</p> <p>Therefore I expect to lose 3lb at most this week which is a little deflating as I have really struggled. </p> <p>I've heard on the grape vine that nibs is giving up. Him and his wife appear both to have failed, they have invited us around for dinner and drinks this weekend. I will drive and will not eat but it is going to be difficult.</p> <p>Not heard from my Dad at all, he should be in Oz by now. Sister is doing well in the US.</p> <p>One other thing to note is that you are told that you will get used to drinking the water and going to the loo every 5 minutes. I interpreted this as meaning that you will start to go to the loo less often and will do more. It doesn't, you just get used to going to the toilet every 5 minutes. .....</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/08/i-can-t-add-up-4147378/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-05:/2008/05/05/hooray-back-to-work-tomorrow-4134890/madmonkoffunk2008-05-05T18:13:45+02:002008-05-05T18:13:45+02:00 <p>Thank god (I'm an athiest...) that is all over.</p> <p>Yesterday was the hardest day yet. Lounging around the house all day, I couldn't do any building as Sis was staying. Wife and her did not stop eating and drinking and I was in agony. In the end I stuck my finger (twice) in some Dhal (lentil curry) and sucked it clean. I was unable to help myself, then I put some potatoe in my mouth from the top of a fish pie and spat it out. Its as close as I have got to a wobble, I had no real perspective about what I was doing other than my body was screaming at me to eat. I also tried making a brownie out of the chocolate shake as recommended by everyone but it was disgustingly bitter, like brown ash (you need to put sweetener in it but I had none). That went in the bin....</p> <p>Today was a revelation. Checked Sis in to the airport first thing, I was handling all her bags for her and the snotty woman took one look at me at the desk and told me that it was the business class only desk and to go to economy. i took great delight in confirming that I was in the right place. A tearful goodbye on her part, this is the end of a journey for her that started in October ago when her husband said out of the blue that he wanted a divorce. They were due to start IVF in the December. So she bought the house off him, paid him off (she earns the money!), transferred to the States. She is off on her own adventure now, alone, its a bit daunting for her but she will do well. Milwalkie (not how you spell it) would be ideal for me; the centre of US brewing and excellent fly fishing! She is close to my other sister who lives near Calgary in Canada, she has just been offered $1m for her house lucky mare, its not the house they want but the land. I digress, my revelation.....</p> <p>My clothes have been very baggy recently, and I have never been in any way vain or clothes orientated. I'm more of a make do and mend man. I go shopping once a year and get it over as quickly as possible. it is not spending money that frightens me, I just dispise it. i did buy some Tesco jeans the other day but i got Paint on them immediately and got told off!</p> <p>After dropping sis I really didn't want to go home, I am not sure why but I didn't. I suggested that we go to Crobbs Causeway (a big Mall the otherside of Bristol from me) and get some new clothes as my current ones are too loose. I am now proud to say that I am down another belt notch (5 now) and fit nicely into a Pair of 36" jeans (before I was struggling with the 40") and down from an XL or XXL polo shirt to a medium. I have dropped from an 18" neck to a 16.5". So bought 3 new shirts to tie me over, a new pair of suit trousers (likewise), new sandals (sorry ladies but I like leather flip flops) couple of medium polo shirts. </p> <p>Wife has been putting up with a lot lately with the family uproar, dads et al move, sis and mum not dealing with sis move well, me on a diet. I gave her £100 to get some treats last week and she spent it on curtain material so I bought her a couple of pairs of shoes and some Gap jeans as well as some lunch and CD's. The retail therapy was great and we were happily trundling about spending some time together for the first time in a long time without other distractions.</p> <p>On the way home we stopped and bought a new coffee machine, wife broke the jug on the last one a few days ago and coffee is the only vice I can have at the moment. I also bought some wood for a new kitchen table I am making (reclaimed french pine).</p> <p>I now feel completely focussed on completing this diet now, I have 3.5 weeks before I get to management. This gives me a short window to lose about 1.5 stones and drop another jean size. </p> <p>Family wise everything is dealt with and I hope that we will have some good news pitta patta tiny feet soon as well to top things off.</p> <p>Couple of other things of interest;</p> <p>1.) I appear to be building some sort of relationship with the doe deer I see in the mornings, she is not so skittish with me any more and I doesn't bolt. She just lets me get within 50ft or so and canters off.</p> <p>2.) I have realised that my father has previously dictated our relationship in relation to when I see him, from now on I will dictate the relationship. I doubt he will like it but thats the way it is from now on.</p> <p>Here is to a brighter future for everyone..... </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/05/hooray-back-to-work-tomorrow-4134890/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-05-04:/2008/05/04/lighterlife-man-4128970/madmonkoffunk2008-05-04T11:12:33+02:002008-05-04T11:12:33+02:00 <p>Most of the nightmare is now over. Dad and family are having their lovely re-union in Singapore, I spoke to him before he left to ensure that he left on a positive note. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am someone that it is nice for him to see every now and then, effectively someone from the past. This is not the relationship I want but it is what he has chosen so I haven't really got a lot of choice. I have spoken to my grandmother who is still crying about him leaving, I will go and visit her in a week or two, its a 10 hour round trip in teh car which is a bit of a killer. I feel empty at the the moment, it is not the easiest time.</p> <p>I now have my twin sister staying until tomorrow afternoon when she flies to the US. Mum and step Dad came around for a curry last night and I sat in the lounge listening to them eating and laughing, smelling the curry. I couldn't sit at the table and eat nothing. Wife is making a fish pie for them to eat tonight......</p> <p>On the eating front the will to eat something is incredible. I am ignoring all the cries from my body to eat something as in the long run it is not going to achieve anything apart from slow weightloss however this diet is now officially killing me. I finish it in 3.5 weeks and move to 10 weeks management regardless of what my weight is. </p> <p>Last weeks weigh in was anyother good one at 8lb. Therefore I have gone from 18s 1lb to 15s 9lb. I am the heaviest guy at the group but far from the fattest. I barely overhang my belt and Everyone is now telling me not to lose any more weight but I would like to do another stone and a half if I can and get below 14s. </p> <p>I don't want to think about the last three days, today mum goes to sicily for a week, and sis goes tomorrow, then it is back to normal. Thank god. I am having a recurring dream about eating a massive battenburg cake, I hate this stuff so it is more of a nightmare....</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/05/04/lighterlife-man-4128970/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-04-28:/2008/04/28/title-4104510/madmonkoffunk2008-04-28T10:45:14+02:002008-04-28T10:45:14+02:00 <p>I have calmed down a bit now, my early morning walks are excellent for getting my head straight. So good in fact that I have extended my route which I estimate now to be over 2 miles. I have some beautiful views from my house and as I follow around the summit of the hill around it changes but is never the same, sometimes it is breath taking. There is a female roe deer (the males have short antlers this time of year) that has taken up residence very close to my house, I already erected a large fence around the vege's, I see the deer every morning and it is a highlight. THis morning I finally found where the infernal wood pecker that is driving me mad with his pecking is living, I suspect that it is a lesser spotted by the size of the hole. He has been doing some hard work on an Oak tree.</p> <p>Sorry to any overt greenies out there, I am a conservationalist myself and love the natural environment but last night I shot a rook which has been aggressive with the song birds in my garden. They steal eggs from nests and in my opinion are over populated now in this country (850k breeding pairs), this is because there is so much carrion on the roads. People wonder why song birds and tits are in such decline when the pressure from cats and magpies, rooks, crows, is so great. It was a hell of a shot from miles away and it was dead before it hit the ground. Only another 20 and I will have enough to donate to a local lady who makes a rook pie once a year in the next village.</p> <p>Anyway, like I said I am now calm about the situation and will be travelling up to say good bye on Wednesday but not staying the night and I hope that it all goes well. It'll be an emotional time and I don't want to stay at his neighbours during it. The reasons why I am so upset about this situation are:</p> <p>1.) Mainly: My children and myself will not be able to have regular input in their lives from their only maternal father/grandfather and this will be an eternal regret - my brother and sister will however recieve this<br> 2.) and: He did not make any real attempt to explain his reasons for leaving to his first born son until directly asked and has not expressed any remorse or regret for making the move and point 1, instead just saying "Your mother will do it" and that we can "talk on Skype". Instead he has waxed lyrical about the things that he is going to do - drive a landrover around Oz which has rubbed my face in it, etc. This is thoughtless and also is a little confusing as up until now he has not had anything good to say about the country.<br> 3.) My father is not being even handed with his children - he is taking steps to insure their future whilst not bothering with my twin and I because we are self sufficient (of course we are, we are 31 years old!)<br> 4.) My father is being very cold towards his mother and brother because of a lack of even handedness from his mother towards his blind brother from when he was young, and probably to this current day - (sound familiar!)<br> 5.) He did not make the effort to spend time with my twin sister and myself before leaving for Singapour to have a short holiday with my younger sister. This was probably his last opportunity to have us both in the same place, with the pressure off and house packed up, ever. He said that he did not have the time as he needed to go house hunting in Oz and that I was too far from the airport. He has the rest of his life to be close to my sister, he does not with us.<br> 6.) Lastly, I will lose regular contact with my brother (15) and he is very special to me even though I don't necessarily fit into that part of the family even more. My ambition was to play a game of rugby with him and I will probably not get to do that now.</p> <p>Sunday was pretty difficult on the food front. It sounds wierd but I have been craving something to eat, I don't care what, just something. Its not hunger, it is just something to eat. Your mind plays tricks on you trying to fulfil the need. I tried making "ice cream" with a banana flavour shake and soda water but I just didn't fit the bill, it was pretty horrid. Also, I am quite grumpy and short tempered but then again there is a lot going on so this is not surprising. </p> <p>Today is easier and I am not really craving food as such. This time next week it will pretty much be over, just have to drop my twin off at the airport.</p> <p>One other discover I made is that you should always follow the instructions on the packet when it comes to laxatives. Luckily I bought 6 new pair of crackers on Friday! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/04/28/title-4104510/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-04-25:/2008/04/25/weigh-hey-4092512/madmonkoffunk2008-04-25T10:56:05+02:002008-04-25T10:56:05+02:00 <p>My titles are getting worse!</p> <p>Officially lost 8lb last week according to LL calcs my BMI is 33 point somthing. My scales make it more though.</p> <p>Pretty happy with that and the new regime is obviously working.</p> <p>Nibs wife said that he was going to ask to go on the maangement early but last night he decided to do a couple more weeks on the diet (albeit with his own rules about having the odd meal).</p> <p>Family wise things are very difficult. I was pretty honest with my Dad about him and the rest of the family emegrating to Oz, he has made a rational decision and has chosen that he will not be a regular part of my life and the life of my children (currently trying for these). I don't really like that, it is completely gutting for me and he has spent the last 6 months telling me how marvellous its all going to be out there. Never once stopping to explain his reasons for going, any regrets over leaving us and his future Grandchildren. He is also leaving me with a legacy of a 92 year old and 65 year mother and brother who are both blind. I will be the only remaining relative to provide support to these, he just says that it is not my responsbility and that they will use me in any way they can and are being selfish about not wanting him to go. It is very cold. He spent my childhood in Hong Kong and Saudi, now he is off to Oz for the rest of his life and will be too decrepid to return for visits within 5 or so years. You have to face facts that some people are not the people that you want them to be, no matter how much you look up to them. I will not be leaving myself open to feel like this again and I do not think that he realises it, if anyone else treated me like this then there would already be no relationship between us. I will be concentrating on the two step grandfathers avaialble to us who have provided much more support in our lives than he ever did. THe one on my side has always been there fore me and treated all us children equally. Dad needs a distinct paradym shift to see it from my point of view and he is not capable of this. In a lot of ways I just want to sever all contact, but I won't because I don't want to upset anyone else who I care about. Three years ago he told me that I was written out of the will and I said that I didn't mind as long as I could spend time with him. Now I can't even do that. My step mum repeated and rather flippantly says, "we can talk on Skype", but that is very different than seeing someone, especially men who do not like the phone.</p> <p>The process of this griving in the context of the diet is probably a good thing. I think that a lot of the reasons that I used to over eat is that I went through some very dark times alone as a little boy when the folks split up and he moved to the other side of the world originally. I lost all my friends and quite frankly became the frightening kid at school with obvious issues. One time when I was three years from the top year at primary. I took every ball in the playground by force, it must have been about 10 or 15, faced off the entire school and said anyone who wanted one back would have to come and take it, imagine that, a little mental kid. The children pushed one boy much older than me out and I beat the living crap out of him and ended up in the head mistresses office unable to explain myself. Counselling didn't exist back then and I have always had a lot of self doubt from this period, I must have been mental and it really is very painful to look back. THe only time I was happy whas when I was at my grans house eating double roast dinners with 4 desserts all in one bowl, feeling really full, having a sherry at 11am, watching the wrestling and A-Team with my Grandad. Obviously I turned things around over the course of probably 10 years and have a full and happy life now full of friends but I am very scarred by the very accromoneous divorce that happened. Dad leaving again brought up a hell of a lot of stuff from the past that I suppose got surpressed, and far from being a bleeding heart liberal, I have spent a lot of time crying over the last week. Not for the loss now but because of what that little boy went through 25 or so years ago. He probably thinks that I am being selfish, I couldn't give a flying fuck what he thinks.</p> <p>The other positive thing is that I am not drinking because of the diet, if I was then I would probably have been pissed for the last month.</p> <p>They go on the 1st and I asked if they wanted to come and stay for a day or two to see me before leaving, they said that they didn't want to come that far, I am only 2 hours Heathrow for fucks sake. Sis on the 3rd so from then on its a fresh start for me, it is very very sad and difficult and my poor wife is really stuck int he middle, I must work out a treat for her to say thanks.</p> <p>One a lighter note I got my bum pinched two days ago, first time in a while!</p> <p>Angry man signing out, probably will not post for a while but MartineAngel, you keep going, you are doing very well. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/04/25/weigh-hey-4092512/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-04-22:/2008/04/22/sausage-egg-and-chip-flavour-milkshake-4078659/madmonkoffunk2008-04-22T13:02:00+02:002008-04-22T13:02:00+02:00 <p>I wish!</p> <p>Got on the scales this morning and it hovered between 16s 1lb and 16s 2lb which is good as I was 16s 11lb last week, hopefully I will get a good result at Thursdays weigh in. Apart from that there is little to report. The new timings appear to ensure that I have enough energy during the day, although little is left by the time I get to bed. I am having all my water and food packs.</p> <p>I am getting very worried about the amount of people who have lost a lot of weight and then put it all back on again. I have a nagging doubt in me that this is what is going to happen. Of the two men I know personally who have done this both stayed slim, but chat on the Internet is less hopeful. </p> <p>Its worrying as this is taking a lot of effort. One new sympton is that I have started craving cigars, I haven't smoked for 7 years! Maybe it is my body being confused and hungry.</p> <p>Anyway, over and out from here. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/04/22/sausage-egg-and-chip-flavour-milkshake-4078659/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-04-21:/2008/04/21/drank-11-litres-of-water-4073375/madmonkoffunk2008-04-21T12:02:37+02:002008-04-21T12:02:37+02:00 <p>One other thing, drank 11 litres of water on saturday, its a new personal best. Nearly exploded. Gonna nail the loss this week. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/04/21/drank-11-litres-of-water-4073375/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-04-21:/2008/04/21/cocktail-party-4072576/madmonkoffunk2008-04-21T08:57:00+02:002008-04-21T08:57:00+02:00 <p>I am making some breakthroughs whilst my contemporaries appear to be failing. </p> <p>Friday night was spent in our bar testing the cocktails (me making them and my wife and sister drinking them). They got sozzled whilst I watched. In the end we picked 11 for the party, each one having a different primary ingredient and a couple made up ourselves (1 part pistachio syrup, 4 parts vanilla vodka and 8 parts lemonade being the most popular - we named it the "Green Devil").</p> <p>Saturday was spent preparing the bar and producing a million canape's. Making the canapes was hard as I invented a few of them myself and I couldn't taste them to make sure that they were right. In the end I got the mother in law around to do it (wife is a vege so couldn't check the meat ones) and all was well. The evening itself went very well, we invited a lot of sisters friend that she didn't know was coming and had a big TV like "Surprise!" with party poppers. I spent nearly all night as bar man making cocktails to everyones requests, they all went down very well apart from something called a Soaco which simply consisted of bacardi and coconut milk and was too rich, I suppose you need to use fresh milk not tinned!</p> <p>I had a really good time and not drinking was a revelation, I didn't think that you could have a good time without it. I suppose being so occupied with the drinks helped a lot though. The party went on until 3am but I crashed out about 1am after driving people home and pouring them out of the car. Someone lent us a Nintendo Wii and we had a lot of fun doing bowling, shooting and even golf.</p> <p>The highlight for most people was when my mother turned to my step dad and said rather too loudly (during one of those inexplicable quiet moments), "let go home and find my pussy", referring to her new cat that ran off just before they came out. To break the tension I said quite loudly, "You'll be needing another drink then bob". The bar was quite boisterous after that.</p> <p>Nibs was at the party and not only worked his way through the entire selection of canapes but also a champagne cocktail called a Marilyn Monroe and 6 more glasses of champagne. He came with the intention of straying and told me when he arrived. I found this a little hard so I tried not to stand near him in case he led me astray.</p> <p>Sunday morning was a late one for me getting up at 8.30 to pick nibs up to go and play football. As a rule I really don't get on with football but since I am trying to up the excercise level I thought that I would have a stroll out. I must say that it was difficult to play, I had absolutely no energy what so ever and coupled with my rugby boots and lack of natural style I was quickly identified as the weak link on the left of defence. We won 11 - 7 and Nibs and I forewent the pub although the guys said I was man of the match I think that this reflected on my effort rather than ability!</p> <p>By the time I got home at 12.30 wife and guests had completed the clean up. Therefore we went for a nice walk and spent a sunny afternoon planting out veg in the vegepatch. Mainly peas and lettuce, broadbeans carrots and beetroot went in a little while ago, onion sets and runner beans need to go in this week I think. The hot news from the vege patch is that my asparagus has at last started showing. It'll be another 18 months until the plants are mature enough to harvest but I must say I rather sadly go very excited.</p> <p>The new food strategy is working well with two shakes for breaky, bar lunch and soup dinner. Woke up at 5.30 for my morning walk today but only managed to get out at 6, I am very stiff from the football match.</p> <p>Dad and gran both phoned this weekend and said (amongst many other things) that they didn't think that this diet was a good idea. I emphasised that the diet is not the important bit, the mangement is and that my medical had me in perfect health so not to worry.</p> <p>One other thing is that I am significantly down a waist size, infact my trousers got so baggy I dug out a couple of pairs of 38" waist chinos that I have had in the wardrobe and never worn and they fit perfectly, if not a little loose. I have abandoned my suits as they are too big and am wearing chinos to work today.</p> <p>I am going to head out and buy a pair of 36" jeans and suit trousers today so I have something in the wardrobe to put on in a few weeks. Also mum keeps telling me that when I finish the diet we are going to go out and have a slap up meal at fish works. A fruit de mer (or however you spell it). The logic of going out for a massive dinner to celebrate being off a diet is similar to the royle family when Nanna asked when told that someone was a vegetarian "can she have wafer thin ham".</p> <p>Anyway, over and out - sorry about the spelling and grammar, if it is as bad as some of my other posts then you probably think that I am a bit lacking.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/04/21/cocktail-party-4072576/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk,2008-04-18:/2008/04/18/bastards-4060222/madmonkoffunk2008-04-18T08:44:52+02:002008-04-18T08:44:52+02:00 <p>Went to weigh in last night and I am a little disappointed I have to say after the efforts of the last weekend I was 3.7lbs down, compared to my contemporaries who both lost 6lb one of which ate cheese and one ate a sausage! </p> <p>My Ketosis appears to be on the wain as well am I am struggling to understand what is going on. I have been excercising each morning, drinking the water minimum and have eaten nothing that I shouldn't. I have been skipping the odd foodpack when I finish work late and this appears to be the root of the problem. The trouble is that if I work late then there is a big gap between the breakfast and lunch and two for dinner at about 9.30pm doen't appeal therefore I tend to have one. </p> <p>I am annoyed that I learnt this lesson last week and didn't make changes to amend the situation. Therefore things will have to change and from this morning I have started to have a double pack of shakes for breakfast (strawberry and banana today), bar for lunch and chicken soup for dinner as early as possible. THis will give me time to burn the calaries instead of going to bed with it sitting in my belly and hopefully I am not in the position to skip foodpacks. Hopefully I will have a better result next week but things are moving in the right direction and the diet is not actually that hard.</p> <p>The councilling sessions are still a bit lacking however I'd rather have that than preaching at me for hours on end.</p> <p>I have now tasted everything that the diet has to offer food pack wise and these are the ones that I can stomach:</p> <p>All shakes<br> Chicken soup<br> Nut crunch<br> Raspsberry and cranberry bars</p> <p>My typical breakdown is 2 shakes, 1 bar and 1 soup.</p> <p>I have also bought some water flavouring for our cocktail party.</p> <p>As far as the toilet anarchy goes the uprising appears to have been ruthlessly put down by some sort of constipationalist dicator and the crowds have been very quiet for the last few days. I am trying to incite some fresh disturbances with senokot! </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://madmonkoffunk.blog.co.uk/2008/04/18/bastards-4060222/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>