Right ho,

Weigh in was brought forward to yesterday as the Councillor was going on holiday. They brought it forward and we still had a locum.

The locum was a nurse who didn't shut up and/or listen to what I was saying, she just blithered on about her son losing weight. I was the only person to turn up. I lost 3lb which wasn't bad considering my indescretion and early shift to management.

When I got home I found that she had given me vanilla food packs not banana as I asked (all collated as she banged on about herself!)

The most worrying thing is that the nurse said that I should not be drinking more than 4 litres of water per day as it is dangerous. I asked where it said this in the books and she couldn't find any where. I told here that I told my usual councillor about the fact that I usually drink about 6 litres and she said that it was good. She went a bit funny when I told her about the 11 litre day and said that she would talk to my councillor about it. If it really is that dangerous then what the hell is going on with this weight loss programme? Why aren't they warning us and checking what we are drinking. All along I have been told that the more you drink the more you lose.

Management is going great, 3 food packs, chicken/lettuce/fat free dressing/cottage cheese for dinner. Scales had me hovering between 13s 12lb and 13s 11lb this morning.

Onwards jeeves.....

Well, after 4 days of my body pleading with me to lapse I finally did, in a massive way. I do not feel guilty about it, I am not beating myself up, I do not regret it, I feel excorcised. I am therefore transitioning to management a few days early.

At 4pm yesterday (after 3 hours of storm induced power cut) I openned a very nice bottle of red wine with the wife. I also ate some things:

Some smoked slamon
A poached chicken breast (in savory drink cooked on my wood burning stove = no power)
Two hands full of cashew nuts
12 pringles
2 prunes (not being smutty here but I really needed to induce some sort of movement!)

After that I drank a third of a bottle of Laphraig.

Some behavioral notes:

I can clearly see how people can go mental after a diet and put it all back on
I can clearly see a path back to my old way of life with nibbling, drinking, not excercising and large portions. I do not want this.
I didn't wake up feeling much different from how I do normally on the diet
I intend to follow the management from this point forward, otherwise this excercise would have been pointless. I do have a voice in my head saying "you are in London next tuesday, get a nice hotel, meet up with the London crowd and get bollocksed", I need to refocus.
Hangovers trigger me to eat, I have had 3 food packs this morning at it is 9.30am - bugger

This morning weighed 13s, 13lb

Right, things are getting really difficult. Last weeks weight loss was 6lb again and that takes me to 14s 6lb on the dot. When I weigh in the mornings I am at 14s 1lb. i am where I want to be and I am starting the re-introduction of food etc on Thursday.

For the last 3 days I have been crying out for a decent scotch and a hand full of cashew nuts. This is my body playing tricks on me but I just want to feel like a human being again. Lighterlife literature talks about you failing and learning from it. i haven't cheated but I desperately want to. My wife is even encouraging me! She says that she wants the old me back. In my head I know that if I fail I am likely to put the weight back on, my heart just wants something nice. The other remaining bloke on the diet had 5 pints of lager last week and still lost 5lb. Yesterday marks 8 weeks since I had a drink.

I really do not know what to do, I have been trying to keep myself occupied when I have these feelings consequently I tied 14 flies last night! The fucking lighterlife book shows an example of a food diary for the first week listing 4 bisbuits and a large scotch, it circles them saying that it was wrong to cheat.

Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On a more positive note I went to Gloucester today to see the mighty Bath RFC win the European challenge shield. I spent the whole first have visibly shivering because I had no calaries in me.

Oh and:

AAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh

Right ho, last weeks official loss was 6.5lb which took me to 14s 12lb, a bit better than I anticipated. Nibs (and his wife) have now formally fallen off the wagon and ended the classes. He only managed one actual week without eating sausages and I fully expect him to end up bigger than he was before.

Everyone is now noticing how much weight I have lost, I really feel that 14s 6lb will be my ideal weight even though this would be a BMI of just under 30. A lot of people are telling me not to lose anymore. Nevertheless I will see out the remaining 1.5 weeks and then move on to management.

I spent the weekend trying out new shotguns and digging foundations so I was expecting a good weight loss (the shotgun bit involved quite a bit of tramping around the countryside). Unfortunately the gun I shot with best cost more that a grand so I have decided to leave it a bit before I invest further.

There appear to be only 2 of us left in the diet group, the others having headed off their separate ways. I am still frustrated and needing to eat something but I am close to the end and must remain focussed.

If you are thinking about lighterlife then you should know that it is not an easy thing to do, do not go into it lightly. However it is a very effective weight loss programme if you are stubbourn enough to stick to it.

My bumper weighloss appears to be dematerialising. I haven't changed my routine and I have not strayed but yesterday evening I weighed 15s. Its all a bit puzzelling. I, errr, haven't been to the loo for about a week despite having a does and a half of senekot for the past two nights. I think that my system is silted up with dust. Wife has said that I shouldn't do more than 8 weeks, I am still undecided. I think that I will see where I am after 8 weeks. I finished my kitchen table, wife is over the moon. The base just needs painting. Also, I have just recieved my signoff certificate from the council, building works complete!!!

On the up down here in Somerset.

This morning I weighed 14s 11lb, I am now officially "overweight", yippee. I haven't been this weight since I was 18 (but then it was muscle back then). So I am pretty happy, . I am having some sort of super week at this week when it is just falling off me. From memory my weight loss to this point on a weekly basis has been 12lb, 4lb, 8lb, 8lb, 4lb. I was 15s 5lb last thursday so hopefully I will be pushing the 8lb barrier this week. To top off all our recent woes my wife had a very difficult week at work and I spent a lot of time supporting her and assisting with her working late so this weekend I decided to indulge my passion for furniture making and finally started work on the kitchen table which will match a dresser I made earlier on in the year.

The table is pretty big, confortably sitting 10, but at a push 14 shouldn't be a problem. I built quite a large kitchen to put it in over the last couple of years. I expect to finish it in another week or so. Anyway the reason for recording this is that it allowed me to spend two days quietly thinking about things and, although I have not made the decision finally yet, I am considering staying on the diet until I am 13.5s. This is for a number of reasons of which the main one is that I feel that I should finish the job that I started. The difficult bit is doing another 4 weeks on this blasted thing when all my impulses are telling me to get back to normal.

I am happy but undecided.....

I wasn't hopeful about my weight loss this week but it was reasonable at 4.5lb taking me down to 15s 5lb. BMI is 31 point something. I am not unhappy with this but hope to do better next week. I want to see those scales go below 15s!

Nibs came to the meeting after eating meals all week and has put on 2lb. But he is now "back on track" although plans to drink this weekend.

I am really looking forward to a piece of poached chicken which I will be eating on the 30th of May.

One thing that I should record about this diet is that I feel a lot more relaxed generally, much more on an even keel, more balanced. This is probably because I do not have alcohol in my system, together with sugar rushes etc... It is something I will miss when I return to real food and some vino collaspo!

One other thing to note is that I have not bought any soups at all this week. I can not stand them any more. They make me wretch. I may get fed up of shakes this week and be saying the oppersite next friday.

One other thing to note is that I joined this diet expecting to do the minimum term of 8 weeks and then go on to management and to stritchly stick to the diet. THis is why I did not set a target weight. Those that have set target weights have all strayed, this is because they think "If I stray then I'll just do an extra week". I think that both systems have merit however the important bit from my point of view is learning weight management skills, and that comes with the next step of the course.

Additionally, the focus of this diet is very emotional. All members of this male group find it difficult to relate to the excercises that we do during the sessions. I don't really care about this. The reasons why I am overweight are:

1.) My portin sizes are too large
2.) I drink too much booze
3.) I expect to eat like I am in a restaurant every night
4.) X? trigger foods encourage me to overeat - I need to work out what these are

The sessions have helped me to identify these points. I do not reach for a bar of chocolate if someone says something horrible to me - I think that a lot of women that are overweight probably do and the course helps them understand this.

Bit annoyed today. I miss counted my weeks and thought that I had 2 weeks left before I could eat some real food, unfortunately it is 3 weeks. I am gutted. I have weigh in tonight and I have done very badly this week, hardly losing anything. The reasons are:

1.) I stuck my finger in the curry and must have affected my Ketosis
2.) My food packs have been irregular because of last weeks upheavals and forgetting my work food packs every day this week
3.) I didn't manage to drink my water because of last weeks upheavals

Therefore I expect to lose 3lb at most this week which is a little deflating as I have really struggled.

I've heard on the grape vine that nibs is giving up. Him and his wife appear both to have failed, they have invited us around for dinner and drinks this weekend. I will drive and will not eat but it is going to be difficult.

Not heard from my Dad at all, he should be in Oz by now. Sister is doing well in the US.

One other thing to note is that you are told that you will get used to drinking the water and going to the loo every 5 minutes. I interpreted this as meaning that you will start to go to the loo less often and will do more. It doesn't, you just get used to going to the toilet every 5 minutes. .....

Thank god (I'm an athiest...) that is all over.

Yesterday was the hardest day yet. Lounging around the house all day, I couldn't do any building as Sis was staying. Wife and her did not stop eating and drinking and I was in agony. In the end I stuck my finger (twice) in some Dhal (lentil curry) and sucked it clean. I was unable to help myself, then I put some potatoe in my mouth from the top of a fish pie and spat it out. Its as close as I have got to a wobble, I had no real perspective about what I was doing other than my body was screaming at me to eat. I also tried making a brownie out of the chocolate shake as recommended by everyone but it was disgustingly bitter, like brown ash (you need to put sweetener in it but I had none). That went in the bin....

Today was a revelation. Checked Sis in to the airport first thing, I was handling all her bags for her and the snotty woman took one look at me at the desk and told me that it was the business class only desk and to go to economy. i took great delight in confirming that I was in the right place. A tearful goodbye on her part, this is the end of a journey for her that started in October ago when her husband said out of the blue that he wanted a divorce. They were due to start IVF in the December. So she bought the house off him, paid him off (she earns the money!), transferred to the States. She is off on her own adventure now, alone, its a bit daunting for her but she will do well. Milwalkie (not how you spell it) would be ideal for me; the centre of US brewing and excellent fly fishing! She is close to my other sister who lives near Calgary in Canada, she has just been offered $1m for her house lucky mare, its not the house they want but the land. I digress, my revelation.....

My clothes have been very baggy recently, and I have never been in any way vain or clothes orientated. I'm more of a make do and mend man. I go shopping once a year and get it over as quickly as possible. it is not spending money that frightens me, I just dispise it. i did buy some Tesco jeans the other day but i got Paint on them immediately and got told off!

After dropping sis I really didn't want to go home, I am not sure why but I didn't. I suggested that we go to Crobbs Causeway (a big Mall the otherside of Bristol from me) and get some new clothes as my current ones are too loose. I am now proud to say that I am down another belt notch (5 now) and fit nicely into a Pair of 36" jeans (before I was struggling with the 40") and down from an XL or XXL polo shirt to a medium. I have dropped from an 18" neck to a 16.5". So bought 3 new shirts to tie me over, a new pair of suit trousers (likewise), new sandals (sorry ladies but I like leather flip flops) couple of medium polo shirts.

Wife has been putting up with a lot lately with the family uproar, dads et al move, sis and mum not dealing with sis move well, me on a diet. I gave her £100 to get some treats last week and she spent it on curtain material so I bought her a couple of pairs of shoes and some Gap jeans as well as some lunch and CD's. The retail therapy was great and we were happily trundling about spending some time together for the first time in a long time without other distractions.

On the way home we stopped and bought a new coffee machine, wife broke the jug on the last one a few days ago and coffee is the only vice I can have at the moment. I also bought some wood for a new kitchen table I am making (reclaimed french pine).

I now feel completely focussed on completing this diet now, I have 3.5 weeks before I get to management. This gives me a short window to lose about 1.5 stones and drop another jean size.

Family wise everything is dealt with and I hope that we will have some good news pitta patta tiny feet soon as well to top things off.

Couple of other things of interest;

1.) I appear to be building some sort of relationship with the doe deer I see in the mornings, she is not so skittish with me any more and I doesn't bolt. She just lets me get within 50ft or so and canters off.

2.) I have realised that my father has previously dictated our relationship in relation to when I see him, from now on I will dictate the relationship. I doubt he will like it but thats the way it is from now on.

Here is to a brighter future for everyone.....

Most of the nightmare is now over. Dad and family are having their lovely re-union in Singapore, I spoke to him before he left to ensure that he left on a positive note. I am coming to terms with the fact that I am someone that it is nice for him to see every now and then, effectively someone from the past. This is not the relationship I want but it is what he has chosen so I haven't really got a lot of choice. I have spoken to my grandmother who is still crying about him leaving, I will go and visit her in a week or two, its a 10 hour round trip in teh car which is a bit of a killer. I feel empty at the the moment, it is not the easiest time.

I now have my twin sister staying until tomorrow afternoon when she flies to the US. Mum and step Dad came around for a curry last night and I sat in the lounge listening to them eating and laughing, smelling the curry. I couldn't sit at the table and eat nothing. Wife is making a fish pie for them to eat tonight......

On the eating front the will to eat something is incredible. I am ignoring all the cries from my body to eat something as in the long run it is not going to achieve anything apart from slow weightloss however this diet is now officially killing me. I finish it in 3.5 weeks and move to 10 weeks management regardless of what my weight is.

Last weeks weigh in was anyother good one at 8lb. Therefore I have gone from 18s 1lb to 15s 9lb. I am the heaviest guy at the group but far from the fattest. I barely overhang my belt and Everyone is now telling me not to lose any more weight but I would like to do another stone and a half if I can and get below 14s.

I don't want to think about the last three days, today mum goes to sicily for a week, and sis goes tomorrow, then it is back to normal. Thank god. I am having a recurring dream about eating a massive battenburg cake, I hate this stuff so it is more of a nightmare....